Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
