the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My balls are so social today.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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