So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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