Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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