At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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