toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
