i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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