maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
