and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
