i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
