His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
