im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
