What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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