Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
