I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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