you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
