You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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