Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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