best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
