just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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