So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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