apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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