OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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