Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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