I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
