My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
