I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
