I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
