My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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