why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
