He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
