Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
