boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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