I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
