i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
