I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
