i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
