One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This beer is not sobering me up at all
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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