I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
