all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize