please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
