Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This baby is an asshole
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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