All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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