By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i drank out of a bidet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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