Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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