she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
