hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
