my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
