i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
honey bunches of taint.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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