Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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