hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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