We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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