I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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