I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize