i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
