He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
