So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
