omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
