Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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