I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
