if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
