Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
