She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
