East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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