Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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