don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize