I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
