it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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