What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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