last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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