I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
