did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
