she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
