As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Green mimosas i think yes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
