Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
